I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
