It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
