how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
