he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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