No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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