he puts the penis in happiness.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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