plz talk dirty to me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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