I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
