Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
