you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
