She is in my trunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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