Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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