I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
