Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
