Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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