I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
