i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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