btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
