i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sober January is a disaster.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
