so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love you. Go after that dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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