you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
