she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
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I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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