I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
