if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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