captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
