Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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