I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
