so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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