Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
