He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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