My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
