who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
