i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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