So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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