That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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