May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
