dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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