hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
