so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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