Cold hands, warm shart.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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