I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
