Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
