Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize