Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
