Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
