Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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