There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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