my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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