I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out mid-signature
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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