I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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