the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
