Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize