Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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