Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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