I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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