That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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