I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
