i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
