So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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