i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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