so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
