she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
