chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
