she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
