Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
