pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
