I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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