Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
