she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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