I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
