turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
