It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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