i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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