You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
this hospital has no fireball
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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