If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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